Things Found In My Yard


Let’s Get Soaking Wet
September 28, 2009, 6:41 pm
Filed under: Entertainment, Equinox | Tags: , ,

Most people mark the changing of the seasons by looking at the fall leaves or buying a new coat to prepare for the upcoming cold weather…  For me, I know it’s soon to be fall with pool toys end up in my yard.  Isn’t nature amazing?

Sidenote: What the hell is wrong with my neighborhood?  I mean really, do you just drive around and think,  “I guess I don’t need this anymore?”

The End of Summer

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A Murder Weapon… for Gingivitus
September 24, 2009, 4:52 pm
Filed under: Functional | Tags: , , , ,

This one I almost missed.  See how this floss/string/something just blends into the weeds?  I’m actually just happy to see that the local meth heads/crack addicts are taking care of their teeth… or tooth.  Perhaps they’re just polishing up that one remaining tooth for show.  With a glimmer in their eye, they’ll look at me and say “lookie here at old chomper. *bing*”

Floss



Under the Microscope

So, I’m parking and I notice a box of some sort affixed to my power line post.  Of course I’m curious, so I walk over and this is what I find… INSECT Monitoring.

I have a lot of cops roaming my neighborhood.  I have parking enforcers waiting for me to park too far away from the curb to give me a ticket.  I have a neighbor who is aware of what everyone within a three block radius is up to (and what they had for breakfast, usually crack).

Now, even the poor insects are being monitored.  This is like 1984.

Big Brother



To all the single ladies…
September 15, 2009, 10:29 pm
Filed under: Fashion | Tags: , , , ,

This gem was sitting right by my gate.  At first I thought it was the remnants of a ring pop or something, but when I investigated, I found something much less edible: This pink number with lips on it.  Yes, that’s glitter

Sidenote: As I was walking in my door, I heard a man down the street refer to himself as the N-word, as in “I’m the N that fucked you up.” Mind you, he’s latino.  If I could record this shit, I would.

With this ring...



My Illusion Hath Been Used
September 13, 2009, 4:16 pm
Filed under: Entertainment | Tags: , , , ,

Now, I realize that Guns and Roses haven’t been at their best in a few years, what with the boozing and such, but why their Use Your Illusion II CD needed to be left in my yard is beyond me.  I mean, I get that this is the one that doesn’t have November Rain and its crazy riffs during Slash’s solo, but it does have Knockin on Heaven’s Door.  That’s worth something, right?

Entertainment



Chewed Up Tomato – No, I’m not lying
September 4, 2009, 7:38 pm
Filed under: Edible | Tags: , , , ,

As I walked into my house, I noticed something on my steps.  If you look closely, you’ll notice it’s bits of chewed up tomato.  Normally, you would ask yourself, “what the f*ck?” but sadly, this isn’t the weirdest thing I’ve seen in my lawn… remember Hindu Cattle?

Although it does beg a lot of questions:

  1. Huh?
  2. Why?
  3. Err?

Yes, that’s astroturf.  Don’t judge.  It wasn’t my idea.

Lunch



Reserved Parking
September 4, 2009, 7:33 pm
Filed under: Safety | Tags: , ,

Parking in front of one’s home in my neighborhood is a very sensitive issue.  Yesterday two of my neighbors got in a shouting match about it.  This was the result.

As I tell all my friends, don’t park in front of Lois’ house.  She’ll cut a bitch… and your tires.

Valet