Things Found In My Yard

Golf Ball – UPDATE

It’s been a while.  My yard is blanketed in snow, and I think people are afraid to leave me gems because they stand out in the stark contrast against the whiteness.

So someone left me a white thing. (for the whitey)

A golf ball, because I live so close to a country club?

I’m not really sure about this one.  I mean, I’d imagine it had to have bounced there, which is kind of unsafe.  My high school principal lost teeth to a bouncing golf ball, true story.   Well, someone yelled fore and he evidently missed that part, and it slammed into his face.  Either way, Danger.

Do you think maybe tiger woods left it?  trying to add me to his harem?  I mean, we know he’s straight, but I would wager he’s “straight to the gays” as they say.  Oh tiger, such an easy target.

UPDATE: I found ANOTHER golf ball.  The casa (spanish for house) is UNDER-SIEGE.  I’m going to have to hire a caddy or something.



My Heart Will Go On

I almost didn’t pick this up. But the lime green finally got the best of me, so I decided why the hell not. And to my surprise it was totally worth it.

What is this, you may ask?  No, it’s not a condom from Japan.  It’s a capsized plastic toy boat that I most likely ran over with my car.

I’m imagining Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet surviving that kind of devastation. Let’s see Celine Dion sing a powerballad about this…


Half of a Nerf Football
October 16, 2009, 4:20 pm
Filed under: Entertainment, Safety | Tags: , , ,

This is half of a Nerf football, just kicking it next to my chain link fence. Similar to the pool noodle, you have to ask yourself, where’s the rest of it?

Other questions that come to mind are:

Who threw this? (Damned fool kids, probably)

Why didn’t they fetch it back? (isn’t that the point?)

and lastly, Does it look like an athletic cup to anyone else?

The games we play

Renovation Remnants
October 2, 2009, 2:07 am
Filed under: Entertainment | Tags: , , ,

So one of my neighbors is renovating and decided to throw out a few of the leftovers from the previous renter.  Notice a few things: there are two lightbrites (I stole both of them), the “sticker” that says “have you hugged a radical today?” and of course, the random fishbowl.

So this wasn’t technically my yard, but I don’t care.  I mean hell, there were two lightbrites within 20 feet of my front door.

Nighttime remnants

Let’s Get Soaking Wet
September 28, 2009, 6:41 pm
Filed under: Entertainment, Equinox | Tags: , ,

Most people mark the changing of the seasons by looking at the fall leaves or buying a new coat to prepare for the upcoming cold weather…  For me, I know it’s soon to be fall with pool toys end up in my yard.  Isn’t nature amazing?

Sidenote: What the hell is wrong with my neighborhood?  I mean really, do you just drive around and think,  “I guess I don’t need this anymore?”

The End of Summer

My Illusion Hath Been Used
September 13, 2009, 4:16 pm
Filed under: Entertainment | Tags: , , , ,

Now, I realize that Guns and Roses haven’t been at their best in a few years, what with the boozing and such, but why their Use Your Illusion II CD needed to be left in my yard is beyond me.  I mean, I get that this is the one that doesn’t have November Rain and its crazy riffs during Slash’s solo, but it does have Knockin on Heaven’s Door.  That’s worth something, right?