Things Found In My Yard


Yes, I found irony in my front lawn yesterday.

This requires a back story.  Last week some friends of mine were having their dog, Charlie, neutered.  The dog is easily the most pampered thing on the planet and my friends are clearly going to be insane helicopter parents one day…  The dog is bathed more frequently than I bathe myself, he certainly eats better than I do, and I remember distinctly hearing a tale of the pup’s rash a few weeks ago.  You can almost hear the hovering…

Anyway, after the puppy had his balls chopped, I followed up with my doting friends to see how he was doing, and being the asshole that I am asked casually, “Are you planning on making necklaces from his testicles?”  Once the question had been processed, I was met with a biting retort: “We were planning on throwing them in your yard.”

No,  I didn’t find dog testicles in my yard.

But, I did walk out to my car the next morning and found an empty bag of walnuts.  WTF?