Things Found In My Yard

High Fructose Sugar Frosted Homeless Sign

Corn pops were a staple as a child.  I was a hyper kid and needed large amounts of sugar to sustain the level of energy necessary to be the spaz I was… So when I saw this box, unfolded, lain in my yard with the same care one lays a baby jesus in a manger, I immediately had the thrill a recovered heroin addict feels when relapsing for the first time.

OHHHH, I said to myself.  Wondering why the hell the box was unfolded.

I flipped it over to see if it was a sign that said “will work for food” or my less favorite version “Why Lie. I need money for a blow job.”  Sadly it wasn’t.

Also, notice that it says something about 110 calories?  can we confirm this?


Free Buffet
October 25, 2009, 4:25 pm
Filed under: Edible, Functional | Tags: , , , , ,

It’s been fairly windy these past few days, so all sorts of shit has been blowing about the neighborhood, landing in my yard like Dorothy Gale.  Although no one is putting my parking warrior out of her misery and stealing her shoes.

This nugget is the lid to a buffet tray.  I am unable to decipher the contents of what this piece of garbage helped keep warm.  It looks like it says Gope 617.  What the hell is that?  Is it foreign?  Notice the foreign 7.

Gope 617

Chewed Up Tomato – No, I’m not lying
September 4, 2009, 7:38 pm
Filed under: Edible | Tags: , , , ,

As I walked into my house, I noticed something on my steps.  If you look closely, you’ll notice it’s bits of chewed up tomato.  Normally, you would ask yourself, “what the f*ck?” but sadly, this isn’t the weirdest thing I’ve seen in my lawn… remember Hindu Cattle?

Although it does beg a lot of questions:

  1. Huh?
  2. Why?
  3. Err?

Yes, that’s astroturf.  Don’t judge.  It wasn’t my idea.


It’s a fiesta!
August 16, 2009, 12:06 am
Filed under: Edible, Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

I found this bean and beef microwave burrito wrapper in lawn.  It’s a party people.

muy caliente.